What Needs To Be

I know what needs to be done, but I don't want to do it.

I need to focus.
Focus on what is most important.
Focus on the things that really matter.
Focus on using my time wisely.

I want to focus on writing, crafting and creating,
But those are not the important things right now.
Those are the me things...
And they don't grow little boys into men.

I keep reminding myself, they will only be little once.
This chance isn't going to come again.
Time.  It can't be saved in a bottle.
And children won't wait for tomorrow.

There are so many things I want to teach them,
And time won't wait.
They learn from what I do.
I've always known this to be true...

“You can't save time. You can only spend it, but you can spend it wisely or foolishly.”

― Benjamin Hoff

a bit o' rambling

Yesterday I had a great post all thought out, complete with a song that really went with it--not just tacked on the end, because I like music...  I knew just what I wanted to say and how to say it.  Then I sat down... and my mind went as blank as the screen in front of me. 

I sat and stared and sat and tried to remember what in the world it was I was so happy to be writing about.  When nothing came to mind, I tried to recall the song that went so perfectly with it.  Again, nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I have no idea where my thoughts went.

The more I tried to recall what it was I wanted to write the more I thought about the book I am reading to my boys:  Freckles, by Gene Stratton-Porter.

Copyright, 1904, by

Doubleday, Page & Company

TO

ALL GOOD IRISHMEN

IN GENERAL

AND ONE

CHARLES DARWIN PORTER

IN PARTICULAR

Anybody who knows me knows that Gene Stratton-Porter is one of my all time favorite authors.  I find her ability to tell a story  incredible.  Freckles was perhaps the first love story I ever heard.  My mom read it to us when I was in the fourth grade, and it instantly became my favorite book.  At the time, I hardly understood what the story was about.  The descriptions of the forest, the birds and flowers were enough to set my imagination afire and send me longing for a beautiful bit of nature... plus there was that great fight scene, where the one-handed Freckles beats the day-lights out of his opponent.

Years later, I bought a copy  of the book and read it again.  That time the love story stood out very vividly to me.  This time through, the character of the boy, Freckles, has completely grabbed my attention.  It makes me wonder what type of man her husband was, since the book is obviously dedicated to him.

I love how Freckle's heart is still soft and giving, despite what he has been through.  And his boss--it never before hit me what the man was doing in adopting Freckles or naming him after his father, and how much that meant to Freckles.  How much it would mean to anyone craving love.


I'm loving watching my boys react to the story.  One is fascinated by the snakes.  One by the guns, and another is dreaming of finding his own Angel.

Upcycling

Do you ever look around your home and start jumping up and down, clapping, because everything is coming together?  Yeah.  Me neither.  That's why I'm writing about.  It wouldn't have occurred to me, if I hadn't done it.

This afternoon I began painting some of the upper cupboards from the kitchen, for the laundry room.  Now, painting these cupboards is something I have wanted to do since we moved into this house (nine years ago).  But Manny didn't like the idea.  Didn't think I could do a good job.  Blah, blah blah!  Whatever.  Now that they are coming down, nobody cares!  And that suits me fine.


Recycle what you can.
But of course!
Why throw out something that you can use?
Maybe so you don't become a pack-rat?
But this is not recycling.

Cuggles , helping me paint the base coat.

This is upcycling.
This is taking something I never liked, and turning it into something that makes me smile!
This is art.
This is making a house a home.

I've done that before...
Made a house a home...
But it always resulted in moving.
I'm not sure what the connection is, but every time I have felt at home in a place, we have ended up moving within a few months.  Okay, so some homes I didn't live in for more than a few months, but that is another story.

My four year old, Cuggles, left off watching cartoons on YouTube, to help me paint!  He is so happy to be helping me make the house beautiful.  (You know, having a floor that you don't care about is really convenient sometimes...  That's why I'm getting as many of these projects done now, before completing the kitchen.)

We put on a base coat of white, because I want to give these an aged look:

A base coat of white paint.

Then I painted them an aqua color, that almost matches the paint chip on my idea board:

I only painted the parts of the cupboard that are really going to show.  Since the inside is all laminate, it will only get scuffed with use... if I want something different, there is contact paper.

This aqua is made up of the left over ceiling paint, a bit of sky blue paint and some white.  I was afraid that if I just used what I had left over from the ceiling, I would run out before I was done.  These still need another coat or two of paint, but that will have to wait for morning.

And this? We've been on the topic of great looking things, haven't we?  How about something great sounding?




And James is so damn sexy...

 Of course, there is also Kirk.

If

"I know it's hard to keep an open heart,
When even friends seem out to harm you,
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?"  --November Rain, Guns N' Roses

I'd like to say something witty or intelligent about this, but what more needs to be said?
One reaps what they sow.
What one gives, they get, multiplied.



November Rain by Guns N' Roses
Written by 

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this
Such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
yeah..
But lovers always come
And lovers always go
And no one's really sure
Who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time
To lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
Then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time
On your own
Do you need some time
All alone
Everybody needs some time
On their own
Don't you know you need some time
All alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time
On my own
Sometimes I need some time
All alone
Everybody needs some time
On their own
Don't you know you need some time
All alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you
Need somebody
Don't ya think that you
Need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you
Need somebody
Don't ya think that you
Need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you
Need somebody
Don't ya think that you
Need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you
Need somebody
Don't ya think that you
Need someone
Everybody needs somebody

Puddles

Smells can do so many things to a person.  They can warn of danger, make one hungry, or bring back memories.

Today was a bright October day.  Crisp and clear, with cotton ball clouds in the sky and snow on the mountain peaks.  A perfect day for washing windows, cutting down holly-hocks and living life.

In the back of my mind, I knew today was the anniversary of my grandma's death.  But it wasn't until I was applying a heavy duty lotion to my hands that it hit me.  The cream I was using smelled just like some hair detangler my grandma had in a jar under the bathroom sink. 

Instantly, it brought back memories of being at her house.  Staying there for a week with my brother, when one of my sisters was born.  Holidays with the whole family.  Her blue gingham plates.  The green wallpaper in the kitchen.  Picking strawberries and asparagus.  Nails painted red.  Aunt Sharon's cigarettes and the ash-tray she carried in her purse.  Staying overnight with the cousins.  Too many sleeping bags in the living room and the boys sleeping under the dining room table.  Arguing.  There was always arguing at grandma's house, as ideas where discussed in depth -- except on the Fourth of July, when there would be peonies floating in water on the kitchen table, smelling like a fresh can of Copenhagen.  It is amazing to me how that smell can keep people calm.  Is it any wonder peonies are my favorite flower?

Speaking of flowers, the hand lotion also brought back memories of the passive-aggressive relationship my grandmother and I always had.  We rarely saw eye to eye on anything, which resulted in her labeling me 'a thorny child'.

My dad, who usually had similar ideas to grandma (though he was the son-in-law), picked up where grandma left off and told me I was a prickly pear cactus.  "Beautiful to look at, dangerous to handle."  He told me they were prettier and hardier than roses, reminding me how mowing them over only helped to multiply them.

That was my family.  Honest.  Real.  Loud.  In your face.  And grandma was easily the center of it, telling everyone, but me, where to go and what to do.  She claimed, time and again, she was leaving me for God to deal with.  It always made me smile, though I knew it was her way of throwing in the towel.  I never meant to be difficult, but I always refused to roll my eyes behind someones back, when I could say something to their face.  (And I wonder where my kids get it from...)

Last year, when she died, my husband had just taken leave of work for a shoulder injury.  What was suppose to take three weeks of rest to heal resulted in eight months of therapy and a surgery before he was able to return.  These last four months, he has been running his own business, and doing well.  So, of course, all of that came flooding back this afternoon...  How far we have come.  How far we have to go.  The time my grandmother came to visit us, and the arguments we had then.  I still have to laugh when I remember how pissed she got at one daycare child when he wouldn't listen to her.  The first few days she was here, she was blinded by his cuteness... but eventually his stubborn streak got to her.

And then the trip to her funeral.  Driving the ten hours to my sisters.  Sleeping on the floor of her old house, touring the yard, checking out the foot prints left by the bob cat and the cougar that live on their few acres. Then the drive to the funeral with my sister, listening to Death Magnetic the entire way and wondering if we were being sacrilegious... but we knew grandma wouldn't care.

Cuggles, climbing.

Her funeral wasn't a sad time for anyone.  It was a celebration of her life and her home going.  That's why I couldn't believe the tears that fell today, as I remembered.

I'm wearing blue jeans, my sister, who I stayed with is in the purple
dress and my brother is in the white shirt.

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And on a side note, this is something I really want to make!

The idea is to gather a variety of sky colored yarns and then knit a row or two every day of the year, in colors that reflect the sky that day.

I love the simple stripes, but I don't care for flat scarves, so I would probably use a rib stitch to work it up.  I'm thinking it would be best made out of either wool or silk.  Probably wool, since sock yarn is plenty available. Now, I just need to get to a yarn store before grey days set in.

Traveling Again

About three weeks ago, I made one of the most important 'discoveries' of my life, which completely changed my outlook on so many things.  Suddenly, I knew that the first leg of my journey was over!  It was like the relief one feels when it seems that the road is going to go on forever and ever, then suddenly, a hill is topped and the night's stop glows out of the darkness.

However, while a night's rest is nice, so is moving forward again.

Over the past few weeks, I have had time to sort through my thoughts and readjust my thinking to reality.  It has been a pleasant time, but I am ready to be going again.  I'm tired of waiting!  I want more out of life.  And you know what?  I'll get it too.

This is one of the many things I have realized in the last few weeks.  I get what I go after.  Maybe not right away, and maybe the finished product doesn't look just like the original thought, but I do get what I go after.  I always have.

The problem is, I really haven't gone after anything--in the time I have been married--until this last year.  That's right.  My husband had been the last thing I had really set my sights on, up until this last April, when I sat here wondering if I had what it would take to change my life.*

And God has shown me that I do.  He has shown me that I can trust my intuition and that I don't need permission to be the mom I want to be.  My kiddos may not be the happiest with it, but they will adjust, and so far, they have been happy with most of the changes I have made.

*Please don't take this to mean I hadn't done anything... Because I have done lots of things, but they have all been experiments--just to see if I could.  They never held the weight of something I wanted. 
To put this in traveling terms, they were Sunday drives in country -vs- a trip with passport and suitcase in hand.

Real Beauty

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Authored by Sam Levenson, quoted often by Audrey Hepburn.

A-door-able and Doable

If you have children, or can remember your childhood, then you know that a room with two doorways leading into the same room is a place to run in circles.  My kitchen is like that, or was.  It was worse before I remodeled, with only a three foot section of wall to run 'round and 'round.   Now the circle goes through three rooms, but that doesn't slow them down much.  So, I want to put a door in one doorway -- the one that allows everyone coming in the front door to see the sink.*

My first thought was a dutch door.

http://amydmorris.com/amydmorris.entry.1.html

http://www.countryhome.com/projects/decorating/dutchdoor_1.html

http://donnas-art.blogspot.com/2010/11/dutch-door.html

 I love the way they look, and thought the whimsy of it would be great.  But then, I got thinking about boys... How they love to throw things over a wall or building, and I could just imagine all sorts of stuffed animals and trucks flying into the kitchen.  Then too, they love to climb -- they'll climb anything!  Even walls:

So a half door would only make a game of 'round and 'round more fun, right?

So what to put there?  I don't want to eliminate the doorway and I want to be able to see out...
Then I saw this:

http://www.countryliving.com/homes/how-to-get-the-look/ultimate-guide-kitchens-1008

I love screen doors!  Always have... I just never considered putting one indoors, and in this area, they all get taken off in the winter... so what is the point in having one?

But inside?  It meets every critera I have!  I can see out of the kitchen to the front door, and if the lower half is solid, those at the front door can't see into the kitchen.  I can hear what is going on.  It allows light it in, and it keeps boys out!

http://www.noaccountingfortaste.com/?cat=15

It looks good.

http://fineartamerica.com/featured/screen-door-handle-julie-dant.html

http://www.thewoodworksinc.com/woodworking/screen_door.shtml

The whimsy potential is unlimited.

And if I build it myself, I can get just what I want!  I am seeing something in black, with chicken wire instead of storm screening and a funky door handle.  Something unexpected, yet it goes so well...



*Who's idea was that anyway?!?

...then it comes to me...

Some days, it seems as though everything is falling apart.  Other times, it all comes together.  

For the past five years I have wanted a leather jacket.  I had one when I was in my early teens, and I loved how warm and weather proof it was.  I wore it all the time, until I out grew it.  Then, it was passed along to my sisters, until they too outgrew it... With any luck, it is still being passed along.

So, the other day, when I was in Jackson, I stopped by the Boot Barn to pick up a new pair of jeans.  And there I found my leather jacket.  No fringe and a subtle zipper.  Corset lacing.  I tried it on, and it fit perfectly!

Cripple Creek leather Jacket

I was ready to buy it, when Mr.Muscles said, "I like the cross on the back!"

There's a cross on the back?  I took it off and turned it around.  Yep.  There is a big ol' cross on the back.  I wondered how I had managed to miss it when looking in the three-way mirror, so I put it back on and looked again.  Ha!  My hair had covered it up.

But now I had a decision to make.  I try to avoid clothing with obvious emblems on them... Horse shoes, yin-yangs, skulls, crosses, etc... I tend to find things like that tacky.  But I liked everything else about it so much.  Then I realized that with the lacing, the cross could go goth as easily as it could be a religious symbol.  And besides, I usually wear my hair down!  So now it is mine. 

From the Boot Barn, we walked over to the ReStore.  I wanted to see if they had any black tile I could use in remodeling the main bathroom.  They didn't, but they did have a boy-proof couch (with matching chair and ottoman!), like I had been praying to find:

It was clean, smelled good, and all the cushions are removable so it would be easy to recover.  I knew my husband wouldn't be thrilled with the fabric, but I figured it would go with my house just fine.  I felt so lucky!  I had planned to go to a furniture store next (sorry Ken), but for a fraction of the cost, found a new living-room set. 

The old couch, I wanted to get rid of, but it now setting on the back porch:

We've got the real red-neck look going on!  Oh well, the doggy is happy.  Manny says he might bar-be-que all winter, if he can figure out a way to close the porch in.  I have a feeling it will be plastic wrapped before the snow begins to fly.

And finally, there is the pantry I built on Saturday:

Floor to ceiling kitchen pantry, built of pine.

It still needs a face frame and doors, but I won't be adding those until the new floor is in.  I built it in the same manner as my mom's pantry was built, more than 100 years ago:

Construction details of my pantry cupboard, October 1, 2011.

Construction details of the built-in pantry cupboard in a 1910 homestead (farm) house.

I have always loved antique furnishings, and am glad to duplicate this in my house.  Move over Norm.  'This Old House' ain't got nothing on me!