May 4, 2011
Molly M.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
The moon is a symbol of time. It is the lesser light, created by God. It is a thing of beauty and wonder, but a journey by night is never easy. I am at a point in life, where a lot of things are changing.
Changing by my choice.
I have begun to realize that a number of my physical 'ailments' are not ailments at all, but rather my bodies response to things I do: Behaviors I engage in. Emotions I have. Ways I react.
I talked to my sister about these things, 'cause I talk to her about everything. She had just begun reading a book on psychosomatic disorders, so her initial comment was, "The body never lies. No matter what we say we are doing, or even think we are doing, the body will tell the truth." She then went on to illustrate with a few examples from her own life, all of which made perfect sense.
At this point in time, I have identified three main areas that need to change.
1. Waiting. I wait and wait and wait, hoping somethings will change. I have always been told, "Oh, you are so patient! That is why you are so good with people." and "Patience is a virtue," but I feel like such a vulture.
- I wait for the 'right time'...
- I wait to hear form others...
- I wait for my husband to value me...
- I wait for approval. Approval of my actions, ideas and ideals.
- I wait to finish projects. I wait to start projects.
- I wait to be loved.
- I wait for pleasure... Always putting fun things off.
2. I hide from the world. I don't speak my mind.
- I don't think anyone cares about what I have to say.
- I don't think anyone wants to hear me.
- I don't think that my life and ideas matter.
- I'm afraid of peoples reactions. That my words and actions will bring rejection.
This blog, in addition to the changes I am making in daily life, is my attempt to reach out and overcome these things. Not everything found on these pages is going to be pretty. I don't like that. I want life to be pretty, but I have come to realize that there is not real beauty if one refuses to deal with the ugly.3. I have refused to accept that I am loved by others.
- It is really hard for me to believe that my husband and children love me.
- It is hard for me to accept that my friends love me for who I am and not what I can do for them.
- Why does God love me? Why would He choose such a thing?
- This refusal causes me to treat others with suspicion. To always question their motives and their actions.
- Because I want so much to be loved, I am willing to loose myself to the wants and desires of others.
- I hide away my true feelings, hoping to be acceptable.
Important Posts:
Wasted Days
Change is Good
Willing to Lose
Resources:
Red Moon Rising
Edinburgh Nights
motivate u?
