Encouraging Words

As I have eluded to before, my home is not what I want it to be.  My relationship with the children has been rocky for years and I am striving to change that, each and everyday.  How?  Through doing, through being pleasant, through encouragement and by learning from others.

A few weeks ago I picked up a book from the library called Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne.  I haven't read very much, because every few pages I find something that makes stop and ponder.  The first day, it was this:

"Even if some of the details were unrealistic, your dreams about your family had truth to them.  They had meaning, and still do.  They show what you valued most when you began this huge undertaking, this family-building.  What inspired you then can inspire you still.  It has to; families need fresh infusions of hope and imagination. ..." (pg 15)

That paragraph gave me the freedom to dream again. And not just to dream, but to begin implementing those dreams.  Striving for their reality.

Between remodeling and implementing, I didn't take time to read more than a paragraph or two at a time until the other day when I was sitting in a waiting room...  I love waiting rooms.  It is okay to take time for anything quiet -- even if it is browsing a woman's magazine,  because the soul purpose for being there is to wait!

The next thing that really stood out to me was this:

"In terms of areas to change I usually see two categories: what is important, and what is doable.  What seems the most important is usually not; what is most doable is the place to begin.  If you do enough that is doable, you will get to the important, and your motivation will be fueled by your success." (pg 18)

Maybe it is just because he is speaking my language: do, create, begin, success, know, and it echoes what I have been living; or maybe it is because it confirmation that what I am doing is best, this caused me to relax.  Everywhere I turn, there is someone to tell me what is 'important'.  Some of it I can agree with, but most of it just seems like business to me.  And I hate to be busy!  Doing is one thing.  Busy is another.  Doing, in my mind equates creating, whether it is an atmosphere or an object.  Busy equates stress and objects over people.  I won't live like that.

"Somehow parents know where to begin to create the necessary space--in their intentions and their lives--for a transformation." (pg 19)

This reminded me of the Dragon Scroll in Kung Fu Panda.  It was blank.  The 'secret ingredient' was nothing.  Nothing.  There is no secret.  Somehow... Parents... Know...

"So, with a few large baskets, we had culled Marie's toys way down.  The remaining toys were a mix of favorites, the simpler the better: dolls, building toys, cherished bedtime toys, some kitchen things and balls.
...
We didn't just take away toys, we carefully added some.  In one of the baskets we put a stack of brightly colored fabric pieces, some rope, and clothespins.  We also made sure Marie had a table her size, a large drawing pad, and a box of crayons."  (pg 21)

Simplifying is not just about getting rid of things, it is about getting what inspires.  It is a balance.  With that, my sons dentist appointment was over, and it was time to move on.

Our next stop was a sporting good store, where Mr.Muscles wanted to buy some weights.  He says ten pounds in each hand just isn't enough...  Go figure.  The layout of the store had changed since the last time we were there, leaving us to circle the whole thing.  As we were nearing the shoe section (no, I didn't buy anything), I saw a thin lady jogging up and down the isle.  I thought, 'Wow.  She must be serious about her running.'

As we passed by, she stopped me.  "Five boys?  How do you do it?  My two are in the car with their Grandma, so I could shop in peace.  I need running shoes to keep up with them.  I've had so many breakdowns, because they just won't listen to me. What do you do?"

I have to tell you, at that moment, I felt like the worst person on earth to be giving advise.  I have been nit-picking the problems in my family... It never occurred to me that five boys walking calmly through a store could be encouraging to someone.  ...but I told her what I have been doing, which is practicing the behavior and attitudes I want with the children everyday.  Encouraging them and loving them for who they are.

As we walked away, Goose said to me, "I thought we were the worst behaved kids on the planet!" *snickering* "And her kids are worst!"  *self satisfied grin*

I am so glad my kiddos don't know what 'bad' is -- they might just try to achieve it!

When we were done shopping, we went to visit Manny, out at the Moose Visitor Center, where he has been working.  He wanted to show us the heating system that he has been wiring, and I have to say that it is really something!  It is amazing what computer controls and technology can do for efficiency.  We made quite a scene -- five kids and their momma, in hard-hats, trooping around a construction site -- which generated a number of wistful looks.  I knew many of the men were from out of town, so I didn't think too much about it, until Manny came home that evening.

He came in, gathered the boys in his arms, and said, "I realized today that not only do I have one of the best jobs out there, I have the best family.  Most of those men you met today have been divorced three times.  Their children are in different states, and mine are all right here, with me.  I get to enjoy each and everyone of you when I come home.  I also have the prettiest wife."

I jokingly asked him if he had met all of their wives.  He responded, "Most of them are divorced and don't plan to ever marry again.  You've been with me through it all."

...it is good to realize how blessed we are...

The Grand Tetons, as seen from the Moose Visitor Center.